When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
