great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
