my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
