I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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