When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
