So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Blood and glitter go together right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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