anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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