Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
