How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
