He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
