She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
