I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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