I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
