I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
