So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
