Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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