wakey wakey hands off snakey
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
