i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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