dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
