Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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