So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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