Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
