you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
