I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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