my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
