Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
