Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
