are you so shy because you have an std?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
two words...techno handjob
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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