party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
