So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
