i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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