I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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