It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
