I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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