I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
