This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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