i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
