Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
