I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
