R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
