If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
