My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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