I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
