UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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