This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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