i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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