i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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