He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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