all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
