Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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