so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
