just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
