OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
